From having the distinction of being the youngest Indian to be nominated for an Oscar to courting controversies and facing troubles with the censor board, Ashvin Kumar reminisces on his journey so far.

The learning that one takes away from what you flatteringly call a ‘journey’ is not dissimilar to what Krishna tells Arjuna on the battlefield of Kurukshetra: do what you need to do, do it the best way you can but try not to take yourself too seriously. I think that is the best piece of advice anyone ever gave about ‘making-it’ in life.

Of all careers, film-making seems particularly dangerous for the soul.  It can become the pursuit of self-aggrandizement and a misplaced sense of one’s importance in the universe.

As you can imagine, I went through such a roller coaster ride: triumph at the Kodak Theatre, the red-carpet in Los Angeles from being a nobody;  to euphoria, making my debut feature film at a scale I had no idea I could handle. Then, shuttled across the spectrum into deep trauma, it becoming clear no release was forthcoming. Then, finding myself in Kashmir, getting deeply involved in the situation there resulting in two docs in two years, en-route being banned not only by CBFC but by Doon School(!) watching one year of work go down the tube, and now here.

On the face of it, film-making encourages individual creativity, rewards those who follow their instinct, who go against the grain, who stir the pot a little; it gives one the scope of following ones dreams and delivers triumphs in Cinemascope. These are great things but they are neither permanent nor should they be taken for granted.

With great power should come great responsibility, in the film industry, with great power comes a greater sense of who you are. You create a make-believe world, yours is the power of playing God.

Can you blame us?

Something you dream of in your head manifests on a huge screen with people watching it spellbound, entranced, transfixed. The first few times it happens, you pinch yourself, ‘shit! are these guys really buying it? You mean it’s really working? That means, I am a film-maker now?’

As an aside, if only all film-makers could recall and hold onto that sensation of wide-eyed wonder right through their careers… But that doesn’t happen in real-life. It goes. Very quickly, in-fact, as soon as one’s efforts are appreciated, they slide on a slippery slope of feeling superior. The end of that ravine is arrogance. Soon, the reaction to a similar situation becomes cynically casual, ‘they are fools who can’t appreciate good cinema’ or ‘I clearly am way ahead of my times’.

You can’t blame the human ego. It is frail. It hungers for appreciation, recognition, and self-worth.

Power over audiences is a religious power, a cultural power, the power of communion. The power that witch-doctors and shamans have wielded upon groups huddled around campfires of antiquity. It has the power to heal, to fortify, to endure hardship and pain. To understand the world and universe we live in. It is the power of mythologies. It is the power of stories on the human psyche, it has helped human beings over time to deal with the vicissitudes of life.

Cinema is only a modern avatar. The power of the storyteller is ancient.

As a movie maker, the new-age storytellers, you have other mundane powers. That-of making or breaking people’s careers. A lot of those are very beautiful people. You use your power to give expression to the darker side of your ego. The quest could be similar : appreciation, self-worth, recognition. But now, its one-on-one. That is what the casting couch is all about.
Then there is the megalomania that infects film-directors and producers particularly. Due to the high visibility of this industry, every time you blow your nose someone writes about you.
As an interesting aside, it also means that everyone has a go at giving you career advice. The number of times I have been accosted on a flight, by some random person who hardly knows me, ‘dude you should have just gone to Shahrukh after the Oscars man, he would have met you and maybe you would have..’ a sense of disappointment in his tone, when India is shining I am the one not-reflecting. He sees the hurt on my face, so covers up ‘…that’s what you need to do man, go to IPL attend the parties, become visible, you’re a brand now dude…!’ He means well. I wonder, though, if I’d dare to advise a management consultant on the moves he should make.

Film-making as a career is public domain. For if successful,  your myth is inflated many times beyond your capacity to absorb the flattery. Armies of sycophants willing to become assistants. A cup of tea appears magically in your casual palm, your ass journeys floor-wards in the assurance that a chair shall check its descent magically. They are there to tell you how good you are, don’t listen to the audiences. It lulls you into believing that you are really the end and beginning of the world. Not just the filmy-world, but all of it. There is a huge premium on perceived success, others’ opinions of how cool you are. And then, inevitably, the beginning of the end.

You start second guessing your audience. You think of them as the lumpen. Idiots waiting for your intervention, as if a new cinema would be born at the moment you unleash your genius unto the world. You make cynical moves. You add scenes and songs in your film that have no business to be there. You cast those who can’t act but who can get you distribution / finance. You forget that storytelling is why people will come to watch your film. You spend too much time on muscles and tits. Too little time figuring out motivations and objectives. You make a flashy, overlong music video without a plot.

Then your creation releases. It gives off a bad odour that smells to you like roses. People from the industry pump your hand but there are whispers around the men’s toilet – the urinal is never wrong. ‘Lost the plot man..totally’ they say. ‘WTF was he smoking??’ ‘I read the first draft script – it was killer, but very little of that on the screen.’
You fail in your basic job to be the guardian of your own instinct.

Instinct.

The tools given to all film makers are more or less the same. Most film-makers who’ve worked a few years are competent. But what separates me from you is my instinct which isn’t going to be the same as yours. That which makes your vision of the world particular to you. That which audiences would like to share, why they watch your film.

Instinct is also the first thing the sycophants will disabuse you of, will try to strip off you, will try to smother into conventionality. Why? Because it is ephemeral. And non-tactile. Not like muscles and tits which you can squeeze but fleeting sort of stuff. A sixth sense. Intangible, without form. Illogical. Not excel-sheetable. You are the guardian of this precious, invaluable thing – your own instinct.

You fail in that – your journey into generic mediocrity has begun.

It happens to us all. It must happen to us all. How will we know otherwise? In the film world, it happens in full public display. It can be devastating to a carefully constructed vision of the self. But this is not the bad thing. It’s necessary. It’s a coming of age. You are dropped earthwards, cause you made a lousy, cynical film.

The real tragedy is that now – so used to the highs and pampering – for the rest of your life, all you can think of is how to get back up there again. You need your fix. You’re hooked.
If I’ve learnt one thing from this journey, it is this : to be a good film maker you have to work on being a good human being. This career is filled with temptations to the contrary. Arrogance and exploitation of others’ circumstances being two crippling sins. When a beautiful girl walks into your casting-room, willing to do anything if you’d only give her a speaking role in your film… now, that’s the shit…

That’s when I tell myself : be non-attached to the result, meet failure and success with the same smile. There will be ups and downs, don’t take them too seriously. Take yourself even less seriously.

And please stop giving her the idea that you’re f****ing interested.

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4 years after Ashvin Kumar made his feature debut , THE FOREST finally releases in India on the 4th of May by PVR Director’s Rare. THE FOREST is an ecological thriller starring Nandana Sen, Javed Jaffery and Ankur Vikal.

For more details about the film  visit
http://www.theforestmovie.com  /  https://www.facebook.com/theforestmovie

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